No one prepares you for the guilt that comes with loving two children differently—not more, just differently.

Ever since my younger one came along, I’ve found myself prioritizing her needs more often. She’s smaller. She needs me in ways my older child no longer does. She can’t wait. She can’t understand “later.”

And my firstborn?
She can wait.
She does understand.
And that somehow makes it harder.

Because every time I say, “Just a minute,” to my older one, a quiet voice in my head whispers: She’s being pushed aside.

Why the Guilt Hits Harder With the Firstborn

My first child made me a mother.
She had all of me—my time, my patience, my learning curve, my exhaustion, my wonder.

So when I now split myself between two little humans, it feels like she’s getting less—not just of my time, but of me.

I see it in the small moments:

• When I feed her younger sister while half-listening to her story
• When I ask her to play quietly because the younger one just fell asleep
• When I rely on her to “be understanding”

She didn’t choose to grow up faster.
And that’s where the guilt settles in.

What I Remind Myself (On the Hard Days)

I remind myself that fair is not equal.

Right now, my younger one needs more of my physical presence. That doesn’t mean my older one needs less of my emotional presence.

But knowing that logically doesn’t always quiet the ache.

So instead of trying to erase the guilt, I’ve learned to respond to it.

The Power of One-on-One Time

One-on-one time has become my anchor.

Not grand outings.
Not perfectly planned activities.

Just intentional moments where my older child gets all of me.

No baby.
No phone.
No multitasking.

Sometimes it’s:

• Sitting beside her while she talks about her day or the activities she did.
• Reading the same book she loves—for the hundredth time
• Lying next to her at bedtime and listening

In those moments, I see her soften.
She doesn’t compete.
She doesn’t rush.
She just is.

And I realize—she wasn’t asking for more time.
She was asking for presence.

What One-on-One Time Teaches Me

It reminds me that my older child doesn’t need me to be perfect.
She needs me to be available—even in small pockets.

It also teaches me that guilt doesn’t mean I’m failing.
It means I’m aware.
And awareness is where intentional parenting begins.

To the Moms Carrying This Quiet Guilt

If you’re prioritizing your younger child right now because they need you more, you are not doing something wrong.

And if your heart aches for your firstborn at the same time, that doesn’t mean you’re being unfair—it means you’re being human.

Your love hasn’t divided.
It has stretched.

And sometimes, one quiet moment of undivided attention is enough to remind your first child:

I still see you. I still choose you.