There’s a question that quietly follows many mothers—especially working mothers—through every major life decision:

When do we get to put our careers first?

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately as we consider moving to a new country. On paper, it sounds exciting. A fresh start. Better opportunities. New experiences.
But beneath that excitement sits a familiar weight—one that most moms carry but rarely talk about.

Because every decision comes with an invisible checklist:

• Will the kids adjust?
• Will they be happy?
• Will this disrupt their routine?
• Will I regret choosing my growth over their comfort?

And somewhere at the bottom of that list, almost as an afterthought, sits our career.

“When the Kids Are Older…”

We’re often think, “Focus on our kids now. My time will come later.”

But when exactly is later?

When they stop needing help to eat?
When they start school?
When they become teenagers?
When they move out?

The truth no one prepares us for is this: there is no finish line to motherhood.
The dependency changes, but the emotional weight never really leaves.

Even when kids grow older, we don’t stop being their safety net. We don’t stop worrying. We don’t stop calculating how our choices ripple into their lives.

The Career Guilt No One Talks About

As moms, when we prioritize our careers, it rarely feels empowering. It feels… heavy.

Heavy with guilt.
Heavy with second-guessing.
Heavy with the fear of being judged—by society, family, and often ourselves.

Fathers moving countries for work are called ambitious.
Mothers doing the same are asked, “But what about the kids?”

And so many of us quietly stall. We pause promotions. We delay relocations. We choose stability over growth—not because we don’t want more, but because we don’t want to fail our children.

The Honest Truth

Here’s what I’m slowly realizing:

There is no age where choosing yourself becomes guilt-free.

And maybe that’s okay.

Maybe the question isn’t “When should I put my career first?”
Maybe it’s “Can I stop believing that choosing my career means choosing against my kids?”

Because our children don’t just learn from what we say.
They learn from who we become.

They watch us navigate fear.
They watch us take risks.
They watch us choose ourselves—even when it’s hard.

So, Do We Ever Stop Being Moms First?

No. We don’t.

Our focus on our children never truly ends. And no one talks about how exhausting and beautiful that is at the same time.

But maybe we can allow ourselves to grow with them instead of waiting for permission that will never come.