As children grow, their emotional worlds expand beyond the comfort and protection of their parents. While parents or primary caregivers form the foundation of love and trust, it is equally important for a child to have a safe person outside this immediate circle—someone they can turn to without fear of judgment, criticism, or disappointment.

A safe person could be an aunt, uncle, teacher, mentor, or even an older cousin—someone who listens with empathy, not authority. This person provides a different kind of emotional space, one where the child feels free to express feelings or thoughts they might hesitate to share at home. It doesn’t mean the child doesn’t trust their parents; often, it’s about fearing disapproval or wanting to protect their parents from worry.

As children grow older, having that external support can be invaluable. It gives them perspective, helps them navigate confusing emotions, and reinforces that love and understanding exist in many forms. I often think about this for my own children. I hope they find someone kind and trustworthy—like my sister or brother-in-law—someone who will guide them gently, not influence them in the wrong direction.

I try to be that person for my niece. I don’t parent her; I just listen. I let her confide in me freely. When something sounds concerning or extreme, I probe gently—but my focus is on making her feel heard, not judged. That kind of trust can make a world of difference to a growing child.

At the same time, it’s essential for parents to know who that safe person is. The child should feel comfortable sharing this, so the parent knows they are confiding in someone reliable and emotionally safe. It builds a network of trust—where the child’s independence and openness are respected, while the parent remains connected and reassured.

Ultimately, a safe person outside the home doesn’t replace the role of parents—they complement it. They become part of the child’s emotional ecosystem, offering understanding, perspective, and reassurance during the complex journey of growing up.