One of the most delicate transitions as a mother of two has been helping my elder daughter adjust to sharing me. Whenever I hold my little one, I often catch my older daughter watching closely. It’s in her eyes—the unspoken worry, and that deep need for connection.

There are times when I’m playing silly games with the baby, and suddenly she jumps in, asking me to play peek-a-boo with her too—even though she’s well past that stage.

It’s natural for her to feel a little insecure. After all, she had me all to herself before her sister arrived. But over time, we’ve found a few gentle ways to help her feel secure and loved, and I thought I’d share what’s been working for us.

1. Early Morning Cuddles Are Reserved for Her

Our day always starts with her. The first hugs and snuggles in the morning are just between the two of us. After that, I pick up my younger one, who barely notices—but for my older daughter, it makes a world of difference. She feels like she has a special place in my heart that no one else can take.

2. Involving Her in Baby Care

Instead of pushing her away when I’m busy with the baby, I invite her to help. Passing me a diaper, singing to her sister, or patting her gently on the back makes her feel important. She’s not being replaced—she’s becoming a big sister with a role to play.

3. Protecting “Mommy-Daughter Time”

Even if it’s just ten minutes a day, I make sure she gets me all to herself. Sometimes we read a story, play cricket, or simply lie down and chat. What matters is that she knows she still has her own time with me—time that no one else can interrupt.

4. Not Expecting Her to Be a “Grown-Up” Yet

One thing I remind myself often is that she’s still just a little girl. Becoming a big sister doesn’t mean she has to suddenly behave like an adult. So when she complains about her sister pulling her hair, I don’t brush it off or tell her to “be the bigger one.” Instead, I join in on the moment with her.

I might say, “Why is she like this, such a silly billy! Why does she have to scream so loudly when we’re right here?” We giggle about it together, and it lightens the situation. She feels heard, not scolded, and I get to show her that I’m on her side.

By laughing it off with her, I’m teaching her that it’s okay to feel annoyed or upset sometimes, but also that these little frustrations can be softened with humor and love.

5. Validating Her Feelings

When she shows signs of jealousy or sadness, I don’t dismiss them. I remind her it’s okay to feel that way, and I reassure her that my love hasn’t been divided—it’s doubled. She didn’t lose me when her sister was born; she gained someone else to love her too.

It hasn’t been perfect, and I know there will be ups and downs as they grow. But slowly, I see her settling into her role as the big sister—proud, protective, and still very much my little girl.