There’s a popular parenting phrase often passed around in well-meaning circles: “Just let them be.” It’s based on the idea that children will grow, learn, and sort things out on their own if we simply give them space. While I understand the intention behind this, I don’t fully subscribe to it—especially when it comes to young children. In my experience, communication and connection matter far more than passive observation.

From the moment children are born, they are constantly trying to make sense of the world around them. They may not have the words or understanding yet, but they are full of needs, emotions, and sensations. Dismissing their cries or assuming they’ll “figure it out” can sometimes leave them feeling alone in their discomfort.

Take my own childhood, for instance. Up until the age of eight, I was what many adults would label a “fussy child.” I cried often, was irritable, and didn’t always get along with other kids. Most people brushed off my behavior as just part of my personality—something I would eventually outgrow. But my mother didn’t stop at that.

She made it her mission to understand why I was so fussy. She watched, listened, and asked questions gently over time. Eventually, she discovered something small but significant: I had very dry, itchy skin. I just didn’t know how to explain it. Once I finally managed to tell her that my skin was itchy, she applied a simple remedy—a little Glycerin after my bath—and it changed everything. My mood improved, I became more social, and I felt like myself for the first time in a long time.

That one small act taught me the power of communication. When basic needs like food, sleep, and safety are met, children usually aren’t that “fussy.” But when something still feels off, they need help expressing it—and that’s where active parenting comes in. We can’t always afford to ignore the tears or chalk up behaviors to “phases.” Sometimes, there’s a reason—and often, children are just waiting for someone to care enough to ask.

So no, I don’t believe in “just let them be.” I believe in listening. I believe in creating space for communication even when words are hard to find. Because sometimes a little understanding can change a child’s world.