From the moment a woman becomes a mother, society assumes she will instinctively know what to do. We are told that motherhood is “natural”—that instincts will just kick in. But what happens when they don’t?

The Pressure to “Just Know”

Women are expected to do it all and know it all. We’re supposed to be nurturing, patient, and endlessly loving while also managing the household, excelling at work, and keeping everything running smoothly. And when we struggle? The world rarely gives us grace.

As a first-time mom, I found this expectation overwhelming. My instincts did not kick in easily with my daughter. I struggled to understand her needs, second-guessed myself constantly, and often felt like I was failing.

No one really talks about how confusing, exhausting, and isolating early motherhood can be. The sleepless nights, the mental load, the pressure to “enjoy every moment”—it’s a lot. And when you don’t immediately feel that magical maternal instinct, it can be deeply unsettling.

Learning, Not Just Instinct

What I’ve realized over time is that motherhood isn’t just about instinct—it’s a skill. A skill we learn, through trial and error, experience, and support.

With my second daughter, things have been slightly easier. Not because I suddenly became a perfect mother, but because I’ve learned—learned what works, what doesn’t, and most importantly, that perfection is a myth. I’ve also learned to trust myself more and let go of the unrealistic expectations that made my first experience so much harder.

The Reality of Motherhood

Motherhood is hard—especially the first time around. The instinct may not come right away, and that’s okay. We need to talk about the struggles more openly and remind new moms that they’re learning, not failing.

To all the first-time moms who feel lost: you are not alone. You don’t have to know it all. You don’t have to do it all. And most importantly, you don’t have to be perfect.

You are already enough.