I have heard many women say motherhood is difficult. I never gave much thought to it. One never does think on these terms, or delve into the troubles their caregivers went through. Now that I have a child of my own, I understand the struggle and I will always be grateful to my mum for providing me a safe and nurturing environment while growing up.

In November 2021, my husband and I welcomed our beautiful daughter into our lives. While most of the new parents say that they fell in love with their child, at first sight, I felt nothing like that. Although I felt protective towards my daughter, I felt nothing close to love. Over the next few days, while I recovered from my c-section, my mum took over caring for the child. But once I was able to move around, I owned up to the responsibility of tending to my daughter’s needs.

The first few days were difficult as I felt disconnected from my baby. She was an absolute stranger to me. She would cry for hours and when I tried to feed her, she failed to latch on. I struggled. I was frustrated. I cried thinking that I am failing as a mother. But that’s a story for another time.

Gradually, we began to understand each other, her in identifying me as her primary caregiver and me in recognizing her cues. Once we were in sync, things got easier. Post 4 weeks, she started recognizing me and smiled at me each time we made eye contact.

She’s the most beautiful thing in my eyes. Over time, I have fallen deeply in love with her. Taking care of an innocent, vulnerable little being does that to you. Now, I can identify her different tones in her cries- when she is hungry, when she is sleepy and when she just wants attention. Hence, things became easy. I laugh at myself for making things complicated earlier and stressing about her crying.

Now thinking about it, I have internalized that as she grows further, my responsibilities will increase as well. And I need to prepare myself to nurish her. Understand her better and love her with all my heart. But for now, I will relish each cuddle, each hug and love her as much as I possibly can.

I am open for this new journey, where both my daughter and I will grow together, where I will hold her hand and guide here. Where I will be her safety net, her companion, her friend… her mom ❤